*Does the Night At The Roxbury thing*

On the topic of my own romantic feelings

Written: 11/22/2022

Within the past year or so, I have been grappling with my own feelings towards romance and sexuality. Although not in the "shameful" sense and more of just trying to understand myself.

A few things I wanted to state before I get into the nitty gritty.. in case you're wondering, I don't exactly have a "label" I use on myself to describe how I feel. And as a matter of fact I actually quite dislike them. But in the sad wet dog of a world we live in, I despise the notion that I am something to be "hidden" or "kept away" of more. I like being spiteful! And of course if it gets across what I'm trying to say faster, they're convenient at best.

I have no issues with anyone who wishes to use labels on themselves, or create them. And obviously calling yourself gay, lesbian, or bi has always historically made you a target. And I believe its very brave and encouraging. But personally just for me, I describe my attraction towards others as simply "my own" so to say.

Now I'm sure you're thinking, "Beau why are you even making this? This is great n all but it feels like you're trying to reason with others or be a annoying Twitter person". Well first off, you know you can just simply not enter my URL or stop reading.. But secondly, I feel its completely unreasonable to act as if love isn't one of the most powerful emotions there is to exist. I know its cheesy but hear me out-

But the issue I see many have, is what type of love. There are many different types of love. I feel love for all my friends or anyone who pities me enough to listen to my ramblings, I love my cats, I love my interests, I love coding.. etc, etc.

From the moment we are born we have many strange social roles we are desginated to fill. And one of those is the idea of a "nuclear family". I do not believe society puts a emphasis on romantic love because it (When I say "it" I'm referring to corrupt governments/politicans or conservatives) truly views romantic love as "The purest form of love" (Otherwise gay rights wouldn't be such a issue..) but instead to want us to obediently follow a strange game of house. Don't question anything, stay in your place To keep us in power (< Fine print)

Not to mention capitalism and consumerism taking advantage of the human desire to connect and be with others. "If you get married- you'll truly be happy!" and then when those people get into unhappy marriages, society scruntinizes divorce. Its a never ending cycle.. Not to mention how marriage is seen less of as a union of love and more of tax exemption, property rights, and is both expensive to get married and to get out of it. And then the stigma and jokes about divorced people (Particularly women- isn't funny how most of the worlds issues tend to tie back with one another in some way?)

So, its not truly a focus on "The truest form of love - being romantic love". Although it can be argued its certainly part of it, but the bulk of societies idea of "love" is a scooby doo villain. Taking off the mask, its just our good ol friend greed.

"But Beau!" I hear you say "This is a great examination n all (Teehee, thank you *bats eyelashes*) but what does this have to do with you and your feelings about love? This is more of a general statement.." Its because when I examined my own feelings about love, I realized I had fallen trap to this as well.

Part of the reason I'm making this blog entry, not only as a way to "close the chapter" in my mind so to speak, is to show others. Because for the longest time I thought I was the "weird" one for how I simply have no interest in what people could call "real love".

So with all that context out of the way, lets finally start to get into the meat and potatoes.